Vincent’s parents ‘never say he’s good enough’ – so he turned to a middle-aged couple online
Vincent's Parents Never Say He's Good Enough: Finding Solace in Online Virtual Parents
Vincent s parents never say he s - Vincent's parents never say he's good enough, prompting him to seek emotional support from a middle-aged couple on Douyin, China’s TikTok-like platform. Vincent Zhang, a 33-year-old software developer in Shanghai, has developed a unique routine during meals: he disconnects from real life and connects with his "virtual parents." These online caregivers, Pan Huqian and Zhang Xiuping, offer unwavering encouragement to their imagined child, creating a comforting contrast to the critical tone of his biological parents. In one viral video, the duo softens their approach, saying, “Have you been exhausted from work and study? Rest when you need to, because we know how much you’ve overcome.” Their content resonates deeply with many, as followers share updates and request birthday wishes, fostering a sense of belonging and validation.
The Generational Shift in Parental Expectations
With over two million subscribers, Pan Huqian and Zhang Xiuping represent a growing trend of "virtual parents" in China. Their rise reflects a cultural shift where young netizens increasingly turn to online figures for emotional support. Vincent admits that his own parents rarely acknowledge his efforts. “They never tell me I’m sufficient,” he says. “But virtual parents ask if I’m happy today.” This dynamic highlights a generational divide, as his parents grew up during times of hardship, including the Cultural Revolution and post-war famines, while he belongs to a generation that inherited economic stability. Yet, the pressure to excel remains intense, often leaving youth feeling unappreciated despite their achievements.
Pan Huqian, one of the creators, explains his motivation by reflecting on his childhood. At 14, he left home to support his family after his mother’s paralysis, working for 33 years without hearing a single word of praise. “I worked for 33 years without hearing a single word of praise,” he recounts in a 2024 Douyin interview. Now, as a father, he vows to provide a different environment for his daughter, ensuring she feels loved and appreciated. Their videos often feature her, blending personal anecdotes with universal themes of support and understanding, which many viewers relate to their own struggles with parental expectations.
Pressure and Rejection: The Youth Crisis in China
Young Chinese professionals like Vincent face a dual challenge: economic competition and familial pressure. While his parents grew up in times of scarcity, Zhao Xuan, a 28-year-old in the same generation, notes that the pandemic and a sluggish economy have intensified stress. “My parents never said I was good enough,” she says, describing how her choices are constantly scrutinized. High unemployment rates, often exceeding 15%, have compounded this sense of overwhelm, pushing youth to seek solace in digital spaces. Memes like “gourd soup literature” have become a cultural touchstone, depicting a son rejecting his mother’s gourd soup only to be scolded for being ungrateful. For many, this mirrors their experience of having aspirations dismissed by parents who believe they act in their best interest.
Vincent’s story is part of a broader movement among young people who feel misunderstood by their families. While state media promotes traditional values of filial piety, the younger generation increasingly questions rigid control. Zhao Xuan, who has muted her family group chat to avoid constant reminders of “gourd soup literature,” says she once sought solace in conversations with friends. Now, she finds humor in memes, which help her process the pressure. “I tried therapy, but crying didn’t fix anything,” she says. “My mom never changed, so I had to adapt.” This shift underscores how modern youth are redefining family support, often through digital connections that offer understanding and validation they lack in real life.
Virtual Parents as a Digital Escape
Vincent's parents never say he's good enough, so he finds comfort in these online caregivers who mirror the supportive environment he craves. Pan Huqian and Zhang Xiuping’s content, filled with affirmations and gentle guidance, creates a sense of connection that real-life relationships often lack. Their videos, which feature interactions with their imagined child, evoke a feeling of being seen and appreciated, contrasting sharply with the constant correction from his own parents. “Virtual parents ask if I’m happy today,” Vincent says, highlighting how these digital figures provide an emotional outlet for his frustrations.
As the trend gains traction, more young Chinese are turning to online virtual parents to fill the gap in familial validation. This phenomenon is particularly pronounced in urban areas, where the pace of life and economic competition heighten the need for reassurance. The couple’s content often includes playful challenges, shared goals, and empathetic dialogue, fostering a sense of community among followers. For Vincent, this digital bond is more than just a coping mechanism—it’s a lifeline that helps him navigate the pressures of modern life. “They never say he’s good enough,” his parents often remark, unaware of the comfort he finds in their online counterparts.