Woman Left Traumatised by Swinging Says Website ‘Facilitated Abuse’
A 12-Year Relationship Unraveled by Online Encounters
Woman left traumatised by swinging says – Ruth O’Grady’s life took a dramatic turn when she reluctantly signed up for a swinging platform, urged by her husband Chris. Initially, she believed she would never consent to sexual activity with strangers in a vehicle. Yet, within months, she found herself engaging in such acts, recording them for him. Over an 18-month span, Ruth claims she participated in over 100 sexual encounters with men from the site, often without her full agreement.
“I told him I would never have sex in a car with a stranger,” Ruth recalls. “But here I was, doing exactly that, and filming it to send to him.”
Following a mental health crisis in 2021, Chris became Ruth’s named carer. This role, she says, made her feel guilty for not meeting their shared life goals. When he reintroduced swinging, she eventually relented. “This isn’t something that happens overnight,” she explains. “Imagine being with someone for 12 years and them just convincing you of something.”
The Role of Fabswingers in the Abuse
The UK’s largest swinging website, Fabswingers, which reports more than 600,000 monthly active users, has become central to Ruth’s allegations. She accuses the platform of enabling the abuse, allowing her husband access to hundreds of men who could engage with her. The BBC, after eight months of investigation into the swinging scene, found that consent is often presented as the core of the practice, yet this isn’t always the case.
“All these men are abusing my body to the point where it’s getting infected, getting unwell, and now this termination is happening,” Ruth says. “I’m still having to meet these men.”
Ruth’s story gained traction after she shared her experiences with the BBC three years ago. She was inspired to speak out following the public reaction to the case of Frenchwoman Gisèle Pelicot, who demanded a trial for men accused of raping her. “Everyone was so shocked,” Ruth notes. “I wasn’t shocked at all.”
A Pattern of Pressured Participation
Though Ruth organized some meetings herself, she insists her involvement was never voluntary. She repeatedly told Chris she wanted to stop, expressing fear and trauma after each encounter. Despite her objections, he would arrange more meetings, which she attended. The interactions often took place at their home or in secluded spots like lay-bys and car parks. When she went alone, she was expected to film the events and send the footage to her husband.
“Some men wouldn’t look me in the eye, and some wouldn’t talk to me at all,” Ruth says. “It’s like… I didn’t exist.”
Ruth’s ordeal included contracting sexually transmitted infections, becoming pregnant, and undergoing an abortion while Chris arranged for another man to have oral sex with her during recovery. She now views every encounter as non-consensual, stating her initial reluctance was clear. “I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to be on [the website] in the first place,” she says.
Police across the UK have cited Fabswingers in hundreds of recent crime reports, suggesting the platform’s influence extends beyond personal relationships. Ruth hopes her story serves as a cautionary tale for others, emphasizing the need for awareness in the swinging community.
