Like Greg James, I lost my dog – and my grief was overwhelming and complicated

When a Pet Dies: Navigating Grief and Guilt

Ninoda.com – Reading about BBC Radio 1 host Greg James and his profound sorrow following the euthanasia of his cherished chocolate labrador, Barney, resonated deeply with me. My own Westie, Lara, passed away in late June after eleven wonderful years. Like Barney, she was put to sleep, and I found myself utterly heartbroken.

Lara was essentially a cloud of white fur and happiness, except when she decided to roll in mud. I had always assumed she would live forever, never imagining she might fall ill. Yet by late April, her health began to deteriorate. She slept more frequently, her appetite waned, and she sometimes appeared confused about her surroundings. Eventually, her enthusiasm for life faded.

As her wellbeing declined, the idea of Lara being by herself became unbearable. For two and a half months, I made the sofa my bed so I could remain near her. During her final weeks, she received nothing but indulgence—treats, special meals, home grooming sessions, and constant affection. On her last day, which happened to be a warm June afternoon, she enjoyed an ice cream and lounged on the garden grass in the sunlight. At the veterinary clinic, her final words were knowing she was deeply loved.

That day remains among the hardest I have ever experienced. I wept endlessly and hesitated for a long time before moving Lara’s food bowl, feeling a pang of guilt whenever I did. Even now, I question whether I made the right choice to end her suffering, despite knowing it was the most compassionate option.

Understanding Pet Bereavement

Both my experience and Greg James’ story prompted reflection on how society perceives the loss of an animal companion. For many, this type of grief feels isolating.

“It can be quite lonely… with society not understanding the impact it has,” explains Annalisa de Carteret, who manages pet loss support at the animal charity Blue Cross.

The organization reports that its complimentary telephone helpline, email service, and web chat facility assisted over 30,000 individuals in the previous year. De Carteret notes that pet loss triggers a cascade of feelings, particularly guilt.

“What could I have done differently? Especially with euthanasia. Was it the right time? Did I leave it too late? Did I make the decision too soon?”

Dr Caroline Ficker, a veterinary specialist in palliative care, agrees that guilt is entirely natural. She recalls being devastated when her own dog, Brodie, passed away.

“We’re responsible for their medical treatment, whether they do get treatment or they don’t get treatment,” Ficker explains. “So there’s often a lot of guilt associated with that – and that’s normal.”

According to de Carteret, this sense of responsibility means that for certain individuals, losing a pet can cause more anguish than losing a human loved one.

Community and Recognition

Gemma Champ, a north London writer, rescued her cat Frankie as a kitten seventeen years ago while residing in Abu Dhabi. Frankie passed away at home in January, and initially Champ felt embarrassed about her emotional response.

She shared news of his passing via WhatsApp and discovered that many people held wonderful memories of him. One acquaintance described the loss as though “a legendary beast from the great plains has left us.” Champ observed that social media has created a supportive network for those experiencing similar losses, reducing the fear of appearing overly dramatic.

Workplace recognition remains another challenge. Following Greg James’ announcement that he would miss his radio show, many employers have become more accommodating, though this isn’t universal. In 2019, Emma McNulty from Glasgow experienced sudden grief when her fourteen-year-old terrier Millie died. Too distraught to work and unable to secure shift coverage, McNulty lost her part-time position at a sandwich shop. She subsequently initiated an online campaign urging employers to acknowledge pet bereavement.

Currently, no nation requires companies to provide paid leave following a pet’s death. Kara Stott, head of in-house legal counsel at Peninsula law firm, notes that British employers are increasingly demonstrating flexibility, even without legislative changes on the horizon. However, implementing formal policies presents complications, such as determining which animals qualify under the definition of a pet—whether the policy extends beyond cats and dogs to include hamsters, rabbits, goldfish, horses, snakes, and other creatures.